How Not to Hate New Stuff

Posted by Melinda Guillemette

I’m certain there are people who get absolutely giddy when presented with a new technological challenge. I’m not one of them.

Last week I took on a slew of technology challenges, including a new and NOT intuitive database (are they ever intuitive?), a new iPod, a new phone, and new productivity software. There were other hurdles, too, but to list any more would just be whining.

As a result of my hellish week, I had an insight that might be useful to you. Here it is: new stuff brings with it six stages of emotion. We tell ourselves specific stories at each stage. Here are mine.

Stage 1: Fear. “I just don’t feel like dealing with this today. I’ll do it tomorrow.” Of course, I reached the point where I had to deal with it, afraid or not.

Stage 2: Frustration. “I hate this thing. I’m never going to learn it. What was I thinking?” Pouting and swearing ensue.

Stage 3: Resignation. “OK, you’ve got to get hold of this. You have to learn this stuff, so you might as well stop delaying, complaining, and stomping around. Trudge on.” At this point, most of the negative emotion gave up and moved out. It’s here that I was able to start learning, because I had gotten out of my own way.

Stage 4: Mild interest. “Oh, hey, look! I did it! I figured out how to do that thing I couldn’t figure out yesterday. Cool!” Now, I was getting somewhere, picking up speed, learning more, learning faster. A few small successes gave me the mental energy to keep going, to try to learn one more new thing.

Stage 5: Curiosity. “Hmmm. I wonder if I can do this.” That’s where I am this week, feeling just confident enough to poke around and see what I can do with these new technological wonders.

Stage 6: Confidence. I have no idea what thoughts fill this stage, because I'm not there yet. But I can feel myself reaching it, little by little.

The trick, I think, is to recognize the stage you’re in as you’re moving through it. If you know you’re in a certain stage, you know there’s another stage coming right after it. Just keep pressing forward, secure in the knowledge that learning is a process, that the unknown becomes the known, that new eventually becomes old. Ultimately, you will experience that sense of satisfaction that comes from meeting --_-and maybe even mastering -- a new challenge.

Like my business card says, You can do this.

Monday, January 09, 2012

Balance vs. Alignment in Leadership Teams

Posted by Melinda Guillemette

Balance is good in ballet and ice skating. But in leadership teams, I think alignment is the more useful goal.

It is understandable to think in terms of balancing leadership teams so one person’s strengths mitigate another’s weaknesses -- perhaps even your own. The result is often a mixed brew of personalities with varying levels of communication skills and behavioral styles. This can be confusing for team members. A useful alternative is alignment, where leaders share values, demonstrate similar behaviors and communicate the same messages.

Some leadership teams are pretty good at creating aspirational statements about how they want their organizations to operate. Living out those statements is where the need for an alignment of communication skills and behavioral styles rests.

For example, let’s say that respect and dignity for everyone at your firm is a core value. If you have leaders who do not understand specifically how respect and dignity are communicated, and what that behavior looks like, it is all too easy for them to misinterpret. Things get even stickier if members of your leadership team simply disagree with the group’s decision to make respect and dignity party of the firm’s culture and simply choose to ignore it. The result: the entire leadership team, and perhaps the organization itself, loses credibility.

Here are a few ways to align leaders:

Decide specifically what communication skills and behavioral styles your leaders need to exhibit. Get them help if they need it. Make their communication and behavior a very important part of their continuing success, including evaluations, salary increases, and opportunities to advance.
Have more fierce conversations at the leadership level. Leaders need to participate actively Inside the boardroom, sharing their thoughts without fear of retaliation and judgment. Read Susan Scott’s outstanding book, Fierce Conversations, to learn more.
When the leadership team reaches a decision, present a united front. Every participant needs to send the same message with the same information.
When a member of your leadership team consistently demonstrates that he is not aligned with the values or cannot demonstrate them effectively, act decisively. Do not waste time. Get him out of the leadership position, or out of your organization entirely. Whatever value he adds technically cannot begin to equal the damage he does to your organization’s culture.
Finally, hire and interview more intuitively. When you are filling a leadership position, listen to your instincts closely. Your gut knows whether a candidate either already possesses the communication and behavioral skills you want, or is capable of learning them. Listen to your gut. Most people who reach the interview level will have the requisite education and experience. Spend more time and effort with candidates determining how they solve problems, how they work in teams, and how well they tell their stories. These things will help you know who they really are. And as Maya Angelou so wisely said, “When someone shows you who they really are, believe them.”

Business is becoming more complex. It’s also more stressful than ever. You feel the pressure, and so do your employees. Consistent communication and behavior at the leadership level will lighten everyone’s burden.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Collective Wisdom for the Season

Posted by Melinda Guillemette

In his excellent series on the collective wisdom of senior citizens, New York Times columnist David Brooks has, perhaps unwittingly, offered some useful ideas for surviving and thriving during the holidays. The ideas come from a series he is writing called Life Reports, in which he asks people over 70 years old to send him their recollections. Brooks writes that the happiest and best-adjusted participants in his Life Reports project had some things in common. For one, they all had a fairly specific set of responses to bad occurrences in their lives: forget it, forgive it, or be grateful for it.

This is excellent advice for coping with our current time of year. Along the range of truly bad events, the holidays are small potatoes for most of us. Many people are joyful creatures throughout the season, happily humming carols, baking cookies, and tossing tinsel. Then there’s the rest of us for whom the season is the perfect opportunity to be irritated, grouchy, and Grinchy. Whether it’s crowded shopping malls, uncivilized drivers, or Crazy Aunt Hattie spouting her political views at dinner, Brooks’ collective wisdom of the seniors is valuable for crafting a suitable response.

In forgiving, forgetting, or being grateful, the words we use to talk to ourselves are crucial. For instance:

When somebody whips into a much-coveted parking space ahead of you, rather than making the internationally recognized gesture, say this to yourself: “Let that guy have the spot. I didn’t need it, anyway. I’ll park farther down and get some exercise.”

For the person who jostles you at the crowded shopping mall and then stares at you accusingly, just smile and say “Excuse me.” Was it you who bumped him? No. Does it matter? Not a bit. Be the first one to be civilized in an uncivilized world, and your day will go better.

And when Crazy Aunt Hattie spouts her latest political viewpoint, just be grateful she isn’t your spouse or your mother. Two more things to be thankful for: she’ll be leaving right after dinner, and she doesn’t actually hold a political office. Then tell yourself how beautifully quiet your home will be...eventually.

The words we say to ourselves drive our responses to situations big and small. The holidays are a great time to practice telling ourselves useful things, and they’re an ideal time to forgive, forget, and be grateful.

Happy holidays to every one of us.